


First dates never go as planned

by liri2012



Category: Gintama
Genre: Awkwardness, F/M, gintae being huge dorks, i like my ladies taking the first step, this story is a troll from start to end you have been warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-03-01 01:36:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2754710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liri2012/pseuds/liri2012
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>GinTae on their first official date, what could go wrong? (everything)</p>
            </blockquote>





	First dates never go as planned

_Let’s check again just to be sure. Semi-decent clothes and appearance, check. Time… couldn’t be better. Expensive ice cream in hand that probably cost more than my kidney, check. Perm… well that’s another story, it can’t be helped.  I didn’t go to the pachinko last night so my wallet is still healthy. I guess I’m good._  The mere thought of doing this stupid check list for the fifth time made him blush.  _Ugh_.  _This feels so out of character I wanna puke._

_Hear yourself talk Gintoki. What are you? a virgin boy on his first date, haaa?! Goddamn I’m too old for this stuff._ The man stopped his pace and sighed.  _The things I do for her_.  _But that’s because she was really looking forward to this date. How can I say no when she acts so enthusiastic about it, also I feared for my life if I had said no._ The man let out a displeased grunt and shuffled his hair as if trying to chase away his thoughts. He started to walk faster, aware of the low resistance to heat of the ice cream he was carrying. The more he walked, the more evident his blush became and the angrier he get _. I’m not excited for a stupid date, I’m just complying her request that’s it, nothing else. I would rather stay inside than go outside and show off like a baka couple._ **Stop it!**

He said that out loud, didn’t he? Everyone around looked at him like he was some kind of freak. Some mothers even took their child’s hands and told them to stay the farthest away from him.  _This is embarrassing_. _I don’t deserve this humiliation._ He tried to shake it off and act as if nothing happened but by how much his face was burning up, it would be difficult to dissimulate it. While his mind was wandering off, he had walked some blocks further from the dojo. He pouted but didn’t let that get to him _.  Its ok, I’m still good in time, no need to rush._

Retaking his way, his traitorous mind, once again, wandered off.  _She better appreciate the ice cream I bought her, stuff sure is expensive. Its strawberry milk flavored so she won’t miss the hint and will share with poor Gin-san. Screw that, she is going to share with me, like it or not… That would be nice, actually._  His steps decelerated to a slow pace and his gaze went up, mind on the clouds. _Staying inside, eating some ice cream in company of each other. Maybe we can read some Jump; I should have brought this week issue with me. And if she’s in a good mood (which I hope she is), she might let me rest my head in her lap and we could also-_

Gintoki smashed his head in the nearest utility pole several times. Blood started to fall from his front and made its way down his face and tainted his clothes. The people around him got startled by the sudden action and some, sensing danger from the unusual behavior, considered calling the police.  _Pull yourself together Gintoki!_  The man was too focused in making a hole in the pole with his head to notice the calm figure of a Shinsengumi officer chewing gum behind him.

Danna, you know it’s no good to try to kill yourself in front of a crowd. I can arrest you for public disturbance, but if you want I can help you in your task later.

Said man froze in place and drops of sweat started to form in his front.  _No! Everyone but him!_

Ah – ah – sofa-kun, what a coincidence to meet you here, w-well you see. I – one bug stepped on my face so I kill it. You should have seen it! It was this big!

Gintoki made a gesture with his arms to empathize what he was trying to say but the lack of blood was getting to him and Okita didn’t look like he was buying the act.

… I see, you don’t sound very convincing danna and its Sougo btw.

Ah, is that so?

They stayed like that for some time. Okita waiting for some explanation or at least something amusing while Gintoki analyzed all the possible ways of escaping he had and holy shit how much more blood is he gonna lose?!

In a blink of eye Sougo was next to Gintoki, his usual poker face transformed in a sadistic one. What’s the matter danna? Are you hiding something? It’s not nice to hide things from your friends; you might hurt these good officer feelings.

The other man gulped. His brain was working 1000 per hour looking for the right words to tell the little demon beside him. Telling the truth was a big no, few knew about their relationship and they wanted to keep it that way for some time at least. Yep, somehow the pair had managed to keep their relationship secret even whit two 24/7 stalkers and idiotic friends. Probably because they had never went out in an actual date or do something that might lift suspicions. And the police officer was too much of a smart ass to be easily fooled. He knows how much the teen wants his gori commander to marry Tae so the man won’t have to marry a real gorilla. He is not going to be excited with the news. His last resource was something weirder to happen so that he could escape in the heat of the situation, but as everything appeared, nothing was gonna happen. Herpes him.

The lazy samurai wasn’t responding and Sougo was growing impatient. He chewed his gum one last time before throwing it to the trash can and took some air for his next words. It seemed like Lady Luck hadn’t forgotten him today because Sougo’s cellphone ringed and said man lazily answered.  _Success!_

It better be good Zaki

Okita taichou! – Sougo pulled himself away from the phone, Yamazaki’s voice was too loud – it’s terrible! The vice-commander ordered me to get the limited edition mayonnaise that appeared in one commercial today, but, but, I can’t find it anywhere! Please taichou! Help me! If I don’t have the mayonnaise for today I will have to commit seppuku!

Tch! that Hijibastard, he should just die already.

No Okita taichou! You don’t understand! The vice commander hasn’t been in a good mood the entire day and if I don’t get the mayonnaise for today I-

I know I know, you will have to commit seppuku. – Said the captain in an irritated voice – where did you say that bastard was?

Umm… his room, I think he said something about paperwork-san and none bothering him

Perfect. Bye Zaki. – Before the distressed man could reply Sougo ended the call and put his cellphone back in his uniform’s pocket. He walked some steps but then stopped to tell something to the man he was having a conversation earlier – well we should have this conversation again some other …!! – But to his surprise there was no signal of the perm headed samurai. 

Gintoki run faster than a prostitute escaping from the police. The citizens in the street screamed in terror when he passed close them.  _What the heck is wrong with these peopl- oh wait the blood._ He stopped dead on his steps, entered a store and asked if he could use the bathroom. The scream he got in return, he supposes, was a yes. Luckily, the damage was nothing he couldn’t repair and in some more minutes he was back into the crowed street.  _Everything went better than expected, now time? Fuck! I have wasted too much time already. Haha, don’t lose it, stay calm. We might have lost a lot of HP in the journey but the boss castle isn’t far away. Now we need to focus in our strategy and check our armory in order to win against the beast without more accidents._

Suddenly, he was in front of the door of a dojo.  _Haha, don’t get nervous now, play it cool Gintoki._ He gulped for what seemed the fifth time that day and knocked the door 4 times. He waited and faced the fear many men had confronted before him. The struggle was real. But then the door moved, he inhaled air as if it was the last thing he would do in earth and there she was…not. Instead of his date, there was an angry little brother in the door. The eyes of the youngest one could only say one thing: betrayal.

Gin–san - his voice was monotone, none of the usual emotion or happiness he carried was nowhere to be seen.

Shinpachi–kun… I thought you were helping baasan cleaning the bar today. – Oh god, he felt awful. He would act the same way if his boss dated his sister; he had stabbed his minion in the back and applied salt on the wound.  _Patsuan, this is no place to look offended, you can throw me as many dirty looks as you want later! Gin-san didn’t have a good day._

I was. Finished hours ago, you might have noticed if you hadn’t been so distracted today. Now I see why. –  _Oi, that last comment was completely unnecessary, right? You just wanna make me feel like shit, right?_

Awkward silence.

S-so… your sister? –  _Ahhh! Herpes him! This is getting us nowhere! You are just making it more difficult Shinpachi-kun!_ He felt some pain in his head and then, blood. Sadaharu was behind him chewing his head like some kind of toy.  _Oh no._ Quickly after that, the high pitched voice of an amanto girl joined the fun.

Gin-chan! How could you?! Mother is ashamed of you. She didn’t raise kids that stole anegos from his subordinates. – To add a dramatic effect, she hid her face in her arms and pretended to cry.

Right, Kagura? To steal someone else aneue. When that aneue is from your unpaid worker, when that worker gave you all his thrust. How could they, right? We should just kill them all; like that they won’t steal more aneues.  Haha ahahahahaha. – Shinpachi was laughing with no apparent reason and a dark aura was starting to be visible around him.

He lost it, aru. – The girl punched him hard on the shoulder. – Look what you have done, you stupid son!

Uruse! How is it my fault?! He shouldn’t be a siscon in the first place. In some years he will reflect on this and realize that I did it for his greater good. - Sadaharu didn’t let go of him. Today hadn’t been a good one for his head; he should have listened to Ketsuno Ana and stay home safe and sound.

Kagura observed him with bored eyes and picked her nose – anyway gin-chan, what is the thing you are carrying in that bag? – With the finger she was picking her nose, she pointed said bag – its melting.

Uh? It’s … - a very unmanly sound left his throat. -  Nooo! The ice cream! – The damage was far too great to simply put it in the refrigerator and wait for it to freeze.

Ha! I knew it, aru! You were hiding food from me! – Enraged, Kagura stuck out her tongue and ran away in direction of the Yorozuya headquarters – let’s go Sadaharu! You will get a stomach ache if you keep munching that good for nothing son.

Like that, Kagura initiated her own adventure, leaving Gintoki’s quest in a mess with a severely wounded and unprotected hero.  _This can’t get any worse, right?_  Except it could, and as if being invoked for the final battle, the lady for whom Gintoki had to face one of the worst days opened one door from the dojo.

Shin-chan! I heard some noise, is everything alright? – Tae looked like her typical self, but her usual ponytail was arranged with a bunny themed hair bungee and she was using some light make up. Gintoki thought it suited her.

At first she looked shocked, her eyebrows jumped up and her eyes couldn’t open more. Some seconds passed as she scanned the scene trying to predict what the hell had happened there. If Gintoki had had a little confidence on this date, it banished long ago. She glanced at him and her face changed from amusement to anger. Tae walked in a quick pace, arms at each side, her whole body looked stiff and ready to strike. – You have 30 seconds. Start explaining.

Quickly, Gintoki steeped back with each meter the furious girl got closer. He lifted his arms and tried to protect himself with them. - a-ah Otae-chan! You look gorgeous today! You see Gin-san, he…  

I know. 24 seconds. – The distance between the two reduced.

It’s not my fault, if that’s what you are thinking! I am the victim here! If it wasn’t for the whole date thing-

I see, 18 seconds. – Tae walked fast, Gintoki faster.

Matte! You’re getting it wrong! I like the whole date thing – a muffled cry could be heard in the background, it was probably Shinpachi. – It’s just that on my way here a lot of stuff happened. –  _Like hell I’m gonna tell her I got distracted because I couldn’t get the date thing out of my head._

Not convinced, 7 seconds.

It hadn’t been that long! – Gintoki’s back hit a wall; there was no way out now.  _So this is how I die, uh?_

3 seconds. – The angered woman cracked her knuckles.

Ok, I couldn’t get the stupid date thing or you off my head so stuff happened and everything went wrong! … I bought you this. Happy now? – The man practically threw the melting bag in her face. He lowered his head in embarrassment; his face shaded a new level of red if it was possible.  _Dying a horrible and painful death doesn’t sound so bad anymore. Kami-sama this is awkward._

Tae was … surprised nonetheless. He usually doesn’t open that much with anyone. She grabbed the bag and looked inside. It was her favorite ice cream brand, or at least what was left of it. It was strawberry, no, strawberry milk flavored.  _Oh!_  She slowly raised her head but couldn’t quite steal a glimpse of his face due to the messy hair and blood covering him. But then, she saw that his ears were a light shade of red and he was gritting his teeth exasperated.  _Oh!_  The realization hit her hard. Embarrassment was really contagious; it made her mad. The girl frowned and turned her back to the dying man so he couldn’t see the blush spreading through her cheeks.

Silence. The bloody samurai relaxed a little since the fated punch never came. He saw her pass her hand through her hair and touch her ear. Her ponytail made it easy to see that she was also uncomfortable and red-faced.  _Wait, what?_

I-Is that so? You should wash yourself; I will bring the med kit. – She was trying with all her will power to act cool and composed. Gintoki didn’t buy it. She took some steps, tried to get away the faster she could. In a rush, Gintoki held her shoulder and pulled her a little closer to himself. – Wait! Tae –

She stared him directly in the eye wearing an angry frown and a pink flushed face. He gulped. He was in no better condition, probably worse than her. Deep red that spread from his ears to neck, and not only because of the blood, a lost look and nervous smile. They both felt and knew they looked ridiculous. Someone needed to do something or both might die from the awkwardness.

So Gintoki did. In a rapid move, he was squeezing Tae with his arms, head buried in the space between her neck and shoulder. – This is all you fault, baka.

After some recovery time, Tae smiled and embraced the taller man – you’re the baka here, baka. – She didn’t felt as uncomfortable as before and laughed a bit: sometimes her boyfriend could be a huge dork. In moments like these it is when she can’t be grateful enough with her life and her smiles weren’t fake ones, but ones of pure joy and happiness. One hand travelled higher to pat the man on the head but was met by a sticky substance. Her smile bleached.

Gin-san, please tell me you have not ruined my outfit – she was responded with the man rubbing himself on her shoulder. An angry vein appeared in her frown - Gintoki you…

He pulled her closer and the hug tightened. – Shhh Tae-chan, you are gonna ruin the moment.

The girl didn’t care for “the moment” any longer; that was one of her favorite dresses and now it was stained with blood. It would take her ages to wash it. Her vision turned red and the hand that was caressing the samurai neck turned into a fist. The man was quick in his reactions and with one hand he grabbed her fist and with the other he cupped her face. But instead of him stealing a kiss, Tae was the one that crushed their lips together. She was already expecting that trick from him, it wouldn’t be the first time if he did it; so instead of waiting for him to peck and tease her later, she kissed him first not wanting to lose against him. Taking advantage of the situation, she freed her hand from Gintoki’s grasp and embraced him putting all her weigh on her upper body so he would lose balance. Gintoki was stunned but catch himself in time so he didn’t fall. The truth was he didn’t suspect that that was a mislead from what Tae was really plotting.

Giving the finger to role stereotypes and to “how a lady should act”, she ran her tongue through his lower lip feeling his moist breath tingle her skin. She bit his lip hard enough to make him groan and let herself explore the insides of his mouth; the man relaxed and welcomed her actions following her pace. One of her arms wrapped around his neck lowered and scrapped lightly its way from the back of his neck to the muscles in his belly. He shuddered under her grasp and hissed at the pleasure/pain sensation. She didn’t stop in her ministrations and licked the side of his mouth; the thump of her other hand traced the vein of his neck in slow repetitive movements. Gintoki searched her lips, hands aching to grab her hips.

Next thing he knew was that an inhuman force was knocking the breath out of him as he felt on the dirty ground. He stayed like that with the dumbest face in earth for what seemed an eternity because  _what the fuck Tae?!_  Meanwhile, said girl was laughing like a maniac and mumbling something about serves you right or something. Gintoki was frozen in his seat.  _Dammit, she got me good._  The grown up man pouted like a kid and murmured a not fair and tskd. The girl was still laughing, tears forming in her eyes. Like a sore loser, Gintoki took his opportunity and not caring of the disastrous consequences he grabbed her hand and pulled the girl to the ground with him.  _If I fall, you go down with me._

Tae yelled and tried to hit him for getting her clothes even dirtier but, again, her boyfriend was embracing her in a crushing hug so she wouldn’t use her force to hit him or escape. She wanted to have a word with him but hearing him laugh made her forgot everything. She couldn’t stay mad at him when he laughed. He had the most amazing laugh she ever heard and seeing him act so childlike and innocent made her chest flutter. She didn’t want him to know he had that effect on her yet; he wouldn’t let her live that one down. Between laughs she punched him as lightly as she could, reminding him of how much of an idiot he was and how much of a dead man Sakata Gintoki was. He listened her not believing any of her words. In the end they really were a baka couple.

_In some time she will get mad and scold me. She might even throw punches but not hard enough to end up in the hospital. Then we will have to wash ourselves because damn this looks like a murder scene. She will bring the med kit and the stung of the alcohol will hurt more than the injure itself. After that I guess I will have to buy more expensive ice cream and hopefully there still might be the strawberry milk flavor. And finally, we will have our date indoors and she will let me rest my head on her lap and I will nag about everything that happened today and she will listen… but first we need to get rid of Pachi-boy._


End file.
